work that flack

Due to body image issues  propagated and perpetrated by the mass saturation of 'Women Magazines" that making today's women feel to fat/skinny and needing a face lift, I thought it would be nice of me being the modern renaissance man/lover of women to complement chicky-babes on like how huge their tits even if they wernt that big, i would go " hey yours breasts are massive",
"Thanks Jake your so sensitive to woman's needs", would be the obvious reply i thought.
no.
Girls started going 'huh' and questioning in aggressive tones why i was talking about their breast, my compliment had become a insult, a criticism of their appearance
This lead me to more research on identity and perception, by objectivity looking at the receivers context and how the compliment could be reworded into a more positive and relatable statement that the recipient could "identify" with.
So after market reseach and good old fashion trail and error the result is;
" cool tits babe"

'cool' comes into it, (identity, the marketing of cool, brand awareness)
"tits" (Fun, cheeky and also a type of bird, bird being another term for lady)
and "babe" (ironic and makes the term casual, women have babies, boobs feed babies)
so there you have it, a safe approach into the mysterious world of complementing 3rd tier feminists

Oh yeah I once tried "your vagania is neat like a Manila folder"

I have a shop

What's in my shop? I have alot of wonderful things, see what your wearing right now we have that in my shop, we had it last season, you should really check out the polaroids placed on the window display, polaroids to you will seem like the future sent to the past, a microwave oven shown to Jesus
 (Microwave Jesus is an awesome band name)
Also there is ice-creams and icy-poles, Ice-cream is made from cow's whilst Gelato is nut based, Lots of facts can be found.

The shop is a very exclusive, invite only affair, I could perhaps get you on the door but it will be locked, you probably will be to dazzled and not be able to understand these future artifacts, but here is a gentle tip. (the following should be read with a lisp)

1. Imagine that in your mind there is a cinema and every time you have a thought of an object it  is projected onto the screen.
2.  Think of a random object, for keeping in mystical vibe I choose the Pyramids
3.  See That familiar shape projected onto the screen in your mind
4.  OOOhh now your cinema is smokey, could it be some punk kids with ciggie's?Your crusty house-mate hiding his feet stench with burning incense? it no matter, but look up, notice the the light  trail from the projector to the screen, in that beam is where we(as in the royal) decided what's in my shop.

Red food colouring is made from crushed beetles , blood is red, woah! does that raspberry icy-poles blood poles?

wierd dream i had

A News Anchorman sits at his desk ,when we notice bee's beginning to swarm about him, he announces 'its a symphony of bees'. he next news item commences when a dismembered donkeys leg is slapped onto the desk, it still shudders, then a donkey runs into shot and bites hold of the leg, it appears as if he wants the leg back on. The programme cuts to this gentleman named 'Greg' he has had his leg removed in the same scientific process as the donkeys, images of his dismembered leg kicking a football are shown, we are then told that Greg is going to have the process repeated but this time on his arm, he is already preparing to live without by moving objects with his mouth and other arm.

ziegfried mantoof!

i had this strange thought the other day

that tooth fairy's were born with just gums so thats why they need to collect baby teeth, plus they have big mouths so they fit alot in which explains why they visit u at night cos they look so SCARY

no time to think up a title

soft feather flutter

ice induced shudder

between cotton cover

sweet recollection of lover

death sex

Ok I want like a really sad song to play at my funeral nothing wimpy, it has to make every1 cry, fuck yeah lots of tears and like all the girls that I have kissed/fucked would be there all crying, so much tears that it wets their tight white shirts making them see-thru totally exposing their erect nipples and then they would notice how hot each other is and totally start discovering each others wet bodies. BUT THE PRIEST is like a witch doctor and brings me back to life as I rise out of my coffin every1 gasps at the rise in my pants, at my ZOMBIE ERECTION and I totally do every1 there really hard to the max and make every1 cum and they like so satisfied, then I shoot my wad like Spiderman shoots webs and TOTALLY SWING OUT OF THERE.

Oh god that felt great

Keeping my shit nasty

farts

My mother told me that if your farts stink that means your dehydrated, so if someone you know does stinky toots instead of going 'Ew your putrid rotting ass stench is just a reminder of your impending premature death and P.S. nobody likes you badly dressed anorexic bitch we all know you bleach your fingers cos of the vomit stains P.P.S. shut up",

Try offering the offender a glass of water.